Read: Mark 8:34
34 And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.35 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. 36 For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? 37 For what can a man give in return for his soul?38 For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.”
There is a scene in the movie, A Knight’s Tale, where two of the main 
characters, William and Jocelyn, are in a cathedral. They haven’t seen one another in a long time after an argument, but William has written a beautifully poetic letter apologizing to Jocelyn and professing his love for her.
As they meet in the cathedral, Jocelyn asks him to recite poetry like he had written in the letter. William, who had many helpers with the letter, is tongue-tied and unable to wax poetic. They go back and forth, arguing, until finally William, in exasperation, cries, “Jocelyn, how may I prove my love to you? How?”
Jocelyn: If you would prove your love…do your worst.
William: My worst? What do you mean?
J: Instead of winning to honor me with your high reputation, act against your character and do badly.
W: Do badly?
J: Lose.
W: Losing proves nothing except that I’m a loser.
J: Wrong. Losing is a much keener test of your love. Losing would contradict your self-love. It would show obedience to your lover and not yourself!
Often when I share this scene with people – youth groups, Bible studies etc. – people think Jocelyn is being horrible. She’s asking too much. She should ask him to do his best, not his worst. In the movie, William does go on to lose several jousts and in the process is beaten and bruised. Finally. when he is on the brink of being eliminated…well, I don’t want to spoil the movie for you!
We want life to be glorious and romantic. We don’t mind a bit of struggle, but we want to overcome – to pull ourselves up and will ourselves to victory. In Mark 8, before the verses printed above, Jesus told the disciples he was going to suffer many things and be rejected and killed and rise on the third day. In Mark 8:32, Peter rebukes Jesus and tells him it will never happen!
But, the way of Jesus is the path of self-denial. We cannot do enough. We cannot be good enough. Jesus says, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.”
Jesus does not call us to get it all together, to win the day, and then follow him. He calls us where we are and invites us to lose. He invites us to give up our best efforts and our high reputation and our incredible wisdom and knowledge. He calls us to deny ourselves – our plans and our pursuits – for him and for his sake. He promises if we will, he will save our lives and give us far more than we could even imagine.
Honestly, I know very little about true sacrifice, true self-denial. My whole life is about consuming. My whole life is about satisfying my own appetites. But during Lent, for at least a few weeks, I am more mindful of the clutter in my heart that distracts me from God. I am more aware of how so many things in and around me can actually weigh me down and keep me from the deep intimacy and joy Jesus offers.
Jesus doesn’t ask me to prove my love to him. Instead, he asks me to lose; to give up my pursuit of my selfish desires to build my kingdom and my reputation and my collection of stories exalting my wit and intelligence…and to come to him – not because of what I offer, but because of what I need. I am spiritually bankrupt apart from Jesus. I can go anywhere in the world and gain all of it – but he alone has the words of eternal life. He alone can give me what is truly satisfying.
I want to follow Jesus. But to do so, I must lose daily. I must deny myself daily. I must die to self daily. As I give the Holy Spirit freedom to blow the chaff from my soul; to do spring-cleaning in my heart; to clear out the clutter; I’ll find that what he offers in its place is so much richer and more life-giving.
Questions for Reflection:
- What activities, behaviors, and relationships are most distracting to your spiritual life these days?
- Which ones keep you from seeking God with all your heart?
- Ask God for the grace to deny yourself and to seek after him in those areas. What are the things you can lay down and what should you pick up so you might focus more on Him?
- Are you willing to lose everything for the sake of Jesus?